Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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