He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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