i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
