On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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