somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
love makes seman taste better
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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