i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
