Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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