I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
