we're blogging at a bar
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
