I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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