dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
