i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woke up backwards on a recliner
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
