I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
