My liver just broke up with me...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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