A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
