You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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