All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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