wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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