Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
