i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
