did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
