don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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