Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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