She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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