3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
