Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
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I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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