Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet