Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
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That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
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The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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