i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.