Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.