do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
