Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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