a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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