So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I could make wine with my vomit
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
