Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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