Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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