My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
