My liver just broke up with me...
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
