Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
