The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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