how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
