Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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