I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
