So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
