respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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