You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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