I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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