anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
