he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
