Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
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