I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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