that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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