community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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