So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
