Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
