I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
