What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
