May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"