everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
