Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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