Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
