nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Someone shattered a urinal.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
