I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I love you.
Bad choice
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