It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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