I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
