It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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