I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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